Moon O Moon

May 15, 2011

You shine so bright,
Giving the blind night,
Tearing apart with the light,
A smile just at your sight,

In the haste you receede,
Though we still have your need,
As you set in the west in speed,
On my knees I am and plead,

Stay over, as we love to see,
In your beauty we love to be,
Awestruck with our eyes,
Enjoying the cool breeze,

Nights are dark without you,
Miss the passion I have for you,
I never realized, I never knew,
Still there is one beautiful than you!

As I was about to sleep, I could see the moon through the window and couldnt stop myself from writing this poem.

Comments

21 responses to “Moon O Moon”

November 11, 2011
jerly
Lovely ending
Reply
1. November 12, 2011
  Hemal Shah
  Thanks Jerly
  Reply
November 11, 2011
jerly
True there is still none more beutiful and romantic than the moon. I too dable in some poetry. Hope u will check out
http://jerlyt.blogspot.com/ . Under the label Poetry
Reply
1. November 12, 2011
  Hemal Shah
  Jerky, thank you for your comments and welcome to my blog!
  Reply
June 2, 2011
Blognostic
Nice lines… men see moon as female.. wonder if women tend to see it as male.. 😉
Reply
1. June 2, 2011
  Hemal Shah
  Blognostic, welcome to my blog!
  I never heard or felt Moon as female, but an object of beauty. And as far as I know, women too feel it the same way. 🙂
  Reply
May 21, 2011
abhi
Wonderful creation! especially loved the last stanza !
Reply
1. May 21, 2011
  Hemal
  Hey Abhi,
  Thank you mate, yep, those last lines came out really well…
  Reply
May 20, 2011
Harsha
Wow! Such a beautiful one. Loved these lines esp.
Nights are dark without you,
Miss the passion I have for you,
I never realized, I never knew,
Still there is one beautiful than you!
Good luck!
Reply
1. May 20, 2011
  Hemal Shah
  Thank you very much Harsha, and welcome to my blog!!
  These lines were the punch lines.. 😉
  Reply
May 18, 2011
shreya chatterjee
A classic poem, that rings a bell…:)
Musings of a Wanderer
Reply
1. May 18, 2011
  Hemal Shah
  Thank you Shreya and welcome to my blog..
  Reply
May 18, 2011
Nishkam
hi hemal!
first of all, great work! but i wonder if you really need to try to rhyme the sentences ? i see sparks of poetic capability taken down by the need to rhyme.maybe try writing freely the next time, paying more attention to descriptions, metaphor, word choice , figures of speech.the reason i am saying that rhyming can hamper word-choice, unless you are a seasoned poet, try to stay away from rhyming and go for other, better things.
on the whole a nice poem, but you could do way better! wishes!
you
Reply
1. May 18, 2011
  Hemal Shah
  Hey Nishkam, welcome to my blog!
  Thanks for the comments and I am sure I will keep these in mind. For me, Rhymes keep the poem going. Many a times I keep getting lost on words and when I use the rhyme, I find it easy for me to compose. You are right, that limits my choices of words at times…
  Reply
May 15, 2011
Annie
btw hemal, kal raat ka moon aisa nahi tha :P……i mean the pic shud hv depicted yday’s moon 😀 😛 😉
Reply
1. May 16, 2011
  Hemal Shah
  Yeahhhhh… coz by the time it clicked me to take a pic, it was already setting in the west and behind a building, so couldn’t capture the actual one. Had to create this photoshopped one.
  Reply
  1. May 16, 2011
    Annie
    ya ya ya 😛
    Reply
May 15, 2011
Annie
hey hemal, this one is wonderful…i love these lines
Nights are dark without you,
Miss the passion I have for you
Good going poet :P…..keep it up 🙂
Reply
1. May 16, 2011
  Hemal Shah
  🙂 thank you dudette 😀 yep, even i liked those lines, those are the punch lines actually 😀
  Reply
May 15, 2011
Charu
cool one…
Reply
1. May 15, 2011
  Hemal Shah
  Thank you thank you thank you 🙂
  Reply